God Is Great

There truly are no words to describe my life; It's such a bundle of opposite end of the spectrum emotions. God has blessed me in so many ways and is still teaching me things in other parts of my life.
Wee Man is the most amazing baby ever. He's the most handsome little man ever. He's got these big gorgeous blue eyes that have so much expression and wonder in them. He's got the biggest smile you've ever seen and he gives them away freely to whomever will look his way. And he smiles and giggles so much more than he cries. Don't get me wrong, it's still trying at times. Getting teeth has been a nightmare with the long nights and diaper rash but in reality it's a small blip on the radar. Being a single parent is no walk in the park but God made the job much easier when he blessed me with Wee Man. And our little family wouldn't be complete without My Love. There truly aren't any words to describe that man. It hasn't been easy for us, there have been bumps in the road. But I am so proud that we put in the work and are now truly enjoying the reward for the work we put in. Wee Man totally lights up when My Love comes for his visits. They are two peas in a pod, they love each other so very much. Seeing my little family finally complete brings tears to my eyes. It's truly amazing. I could go on and on about how amazing My Love is, making you sick with stories about how much he helps out and shows his love for us....but I can hear you gagging now ;)
So in all of that wonderful how can I find something that is still not quite right? Well God is teaching me a lot right now. I'm learning how to figure out my financial life as well as re-evaluate my career choices. I am learning to let go and let Him show me what is supposed to be. It's not easy, it's difficult not to stress over things I have no control over right now. But I am making steps. I return to school in April of this year and I'm actually looking forward to it! So all in all life is amazing and I'm truly blessed, but I'm still learning and being tested each day. God is great!!

A Trip To Wal-Mart

A good story in my world always starts out "So I went to Wal-Mart today and...". Hey I'll even admit to sometimes thinking 'I sure hope I don't end up on Peopleofwalmart today' when I don't feel like getting out of my PJs. But as I was struggling my way through Wal-Mart today I realized just how much has taken place for me there.
When I first moved into town friends and I would go there at all hours of the night, simply because there was nothing else to do. We'd try on silly hats, play with toys and wonder around aimlessly. Yeah, we were those hooligans (although much better behaved than most). In high school we went to Wal-Mart in our Prom attire. Went there way too many times a week just because there was nothing else to do. And I even recall sitting in Wal-Mart in the middle of the night in my PJs and watching a movie on the big screen TV. The cops even stopped to chit chat with us and catch some of the movie! When Wee Man's father began lying to me, I spent nearly an entire night at Wal-Mart with friends to help stop the tears and hurt. And now as I struggle my way through Wal-Mart I find myself running into everyone I know stopping to coo at my handsome little man. His big blue eyes and captivating smile make it impossible to go anywhere without getting stopped. When I'm trying to push a cart, shop and carry a baby I find myself so filled with emotions; I get angry at his father for leaving me with all of this on my own, proud of myself for doing it on my own and just plain drained. I feel like that good ole Wal-Mart has watched me grow up....

My Bestie And Her Blog

My Bestie is hosting a giveaway

and it's just as awesome as she is!

http://beautifullyflawedohana.blogspot.com/

I know you are dying to know what it is...so I'll spill the beans :)

She's giving away not one but two super cool, really awesome things!

A $25 gift card to Bath and Body Works

AND

A $25 gift card to Toys'R'Us

Stop on in to her blog and check it out! Don't forget to look around and leave her some love...she is pretty awesome :)

Patience

The lesson God is teaching me right now is patience. I truly am working hard at this but man is He testing me! Right now my life is all about waiting; waiting for court, school, job stuff, taxes and hardest of all, My Love. We have both been busy with work and he with drill. It's all understandable and I'm not angry, I just miss him. I miss having another adult around to keep me sane. My bed seems huge while he is away. I realize we live apart and that is perfectly fine with me, but this house is much more of a home when he is around. The three of us have become such a little family that it feels like he's just away for work when he goes to his own home. Wee Man misses him just as much and I see him looking around for My Love when he is gone. I know, I know he'll be back in a week or so and if I'm lucky for a few hours at the end of the week. But when your life is all about waiting, and patience isn't your strong point....it begins to feel like everything takes an eternity.

Random thoughts..

..from yours truly

Random thought #1:
I am so truly blessed. Everyday I look at my life and how imperfectly perfect it is, I can't help but be in awe. Everyday I find myself thanking God over and over for the life He lead me to even if the path was full of bumps and sharp turns. I know I did things out of order and probably not exactly how He would have liked. But together we got here. And here is a great place to be. There isn't a thing I can't do any more. I'm a fantastic mother. I try my hardest at being a great daughter and a fantabulous girlfriend. I work hard at being a good friend and stranger. I don't just want to be kind to those people I know, but also those I simply pass on the street. Even if it's just a smile or a hello, I strive to spread a little happiness in a day. Not everyone has been as blessed as I have, I think those people could use an extra smile in a day.

Random thought #2:
I am not perfect. I have made mistakes. I have done things I'm not entirely proud of. But I'd like to think in the grand scheme of life, I'm a fairly good person. I can be judgemental, I am working on changing that. I find myself noticing my judgemental thoughts and challenging them. So as I work on myself I find that I'm noticing other people's judgements of me and I'm attempting to finally accept that I can not change their perception. Only they can do that. So just know; I know I am not perfect however maybe the things you think of me aren't entirely true. Challenge your thoughts.

Random thought #3:
My work environment is toxic. 100%. I know God has a plan for me. I also believe I need to put in work on my end of the deal. So I'm going to keep looking and sending my resume anywhere possible. Between the smoke and the people that place is eating away at my health in every way. I'm tired in every form of the word when it comes to that place. I'm tired of always showing up for my shift when people are constantly calling in. I'm tired of cleaning up after inconsiderate people. I'm tired of doing things when it's never acknowledged. I'm tired of coming home smelling like I chimney and being unable to hold my son until I've changed all of my clothes and scrubbed myself raw. I'm tired of spending my day listening to men degrade woman all. day. long. I'm tired of being watched like I'm a child instead of getting a helping hand. I'm tired of the whispers. I'm tired of the drama. I'm tired of the constant judgements. I'm tired of jokes that aren't funny, they are hurtful. And I'm tired of keeping my mouth shut. I learned long ago it's best to just not talk to them; Not let myself get down to their level. But it is exhausting.
So no matter what happens I'm going to keep trying to better my life and my son's life by finding a new job. I will not be discouraged. I will not give up hope.


I'm full of random thoughts but this is what I've got for you tonight. Drop a line or a smile.

Hey Everyone

Hey guys! I've noticed my blog is getting a lot of traffic but I haven't heard from you! Stop by, leave a comment and follow along. This year is going to be an epic ride :)

Stay tuned, tonight I have some things rattling around to get out and on 'paper'!

Faith

I know I've been gone a while. I went through a lot of emotions from my birthday on. I want my blog to stay as upbeat as possible and I just needed some time to sort through all of the things I had on my plate. And I am doing well. I have had ginormous amounts of help of course and that is what this post is about!

My faith in God is becoming stronger than ever. I still stumble now and again but as each day passes I am seeing I must put all my faith in Him. He has provided amazing things for me and He has been with me through the hardest times in my life. What I'm facing now is not life or death. It is not something I can't get through. He is simply asking me to put some hard work, determination and a whole lot of faith into my life. Money is just money. And money is the ONLY thing in my life that I don't seem to have enough of. I can feed my son and I. Wee Man has the things babies need. So then, we are doing just fine. The debt will be there when I have the money to pay it. What we don't have in money we make up for in love. This house is so full of love it's utterly ridiculous in an amazing way. God blessed us with a man no words can truly explain.

My Love and Wee Man are two peas in a pod. I am an overprotective cautious mother and trust very few with the task of taking care of my son. In fact I believe I could count on one hand the number of people I've left him with...but My Love has taken to it all like a duck to water. He's fan-frickin-tabulous with Wee Man. The other night as we were all playing together before bed, I saw something I had never experienced before. In six months I have never had to share Wee Man with another parent. Yes, he sees his father but Wee Man has never once looked at him like he looks at me. Wee Man knows me as The Parent and The Caregiver. His father is more like a babysitter to him (no harm intended, he just honestly isn't old enough to understand that eight hours a week means he is "dad"). But that night I saw Wee Man look at another like he looks at me. I feared it would bother me, make me jealous or make me sad. Instead I felt like if I have done nothing else right as a mother, this one I did get right. I didn't pick My Love because I wanted a Daddy for Wee Man, I simply wanted a man who would love my son the way I love him. I could go on and on and on about My Love and all of the amazing things he has done for us. He is the most patient, loving, kind, helpful, understanding, stubborn and gorgeous man I have ever had the pleasure of getting to know. He has added so much to this family. God had a plan when he brought My Love into our lives.

I've also attended counseling since the loss of my beloved grandmother. K has pushed me and done some hard work with me. I'm proud to say I've graduated to counseling every other week! I have learned and grown so much from K and the work she's done with me. Each day I put all of her guidance into practice and each day I find myself changing a bit more; in such a very very good way!

And of course my wonderful mommy, stepdad, father and baby sisters have been keeping me in line as well. Without them, life wouldn't have much meaning.

You see this life is all about faith. I have faith that God has a plan for me and my son. I have faith in the wonderful support system He has given me. I have faith that someday, this will all seem like a small bump in the road to an amazing life.