Judgement Day

So today I am another bundle of mixed emotions....ha go figure. Well first I should tell you some great big news:   I GOT A NEW JOB! Yes I'm so proud of myself for finally making the steps to change my life. And yet truly, honestly I still feel like one big huge jumbo failure. Goodness I hate that word. K has told me that by letting myself feel like a failure I am telling God He failed. I realize in my logical mind that is not true, God created us all to be us and He loves us. But in the choices I've made in my life I've opened myself up to a lot of judgement from people other than my Heavenly Father. I realize I need to "shake it off" as Joyce Meyer told me tonight. However these judgements make me so angry; not just at the people making them but at myself for opening myself to them by making some big mistakes. Important note here: I LOVE my son. I am crazy about him and I wouldn't trade him for the world. HE is NOT a mistake. However, in having him when I did I set myself up to be labeled. I'm just another: single mom, whore, tramp, sinner, welfare case, baby momma, failure, uneducated young mom. Take your pick. I see the looks; they start at my son, then travel to me, then down to my ring finger and then a quick look of disgust. "Yep another one of Those Girls". I'm wrestling with this more right now due to a few things going on in my personal life but I don't want this blog to be me airing my dirty laundry. But the choices I made are hindering some very important things in my life and I'm unsure which way to turn. I have My Bestie to help me out but she's so far away. Tonight I simply want to get on a plane and fly to her. Tonight I just want the best of all worlds; I want my perfect son but I also want my life. I don't regret giving it all up for him, I just feel a big lonely tonight.