Not Good Enough?

Today I am blogging because something was brought to my attention and it has me irrate!

I have two baby sisters; A soon-to-be 9 year old and a soon-to-be 6 year old. The nine year old is like looking in a mirror. She's a bit bossy, believes everything is either black or white and she will tell you if something isn't fair. She tends to be an over achiever and catches on quickly.
The six year old is a world all her own. No words can describe her. She is our giggle in the midst of tears. Our rainbow after a storm. One glance over her glasses at you and she'll melt your heart. She always wants happiness and peace.
These girls are attending the same school I grew up in and something has disturbed me deeply. At six years old my sister is building her foundation for growing up. The things she is told and taught now will mold how she perceives herself and the world around her. My sweet little sister is already building a foundation on "I'm not good enough". I refuse to sit back and allow another generation of my family to feel 'not good enough'.
There is a board in my sister's kindergarten class that holds papers. These papers are written neat enough to get on the board as well as get a piece of candy. My sister sits and writes and rewrites her papers to the point that she is missing out on play time because she wants nothing more than to get on the board; She has yet to make it up there. In turn that teacher is telling that sweet little girl that she is not good enough to be on the board. She is doing her best and working very hard, yet it is still not good enough. Please someone, tell how that is teaching this girl?! The anger this brings up in me is beyond words. I have many other gripes about this school and this one takes the cake. Instead of rewarding hard work or giving extra help, they are building a bad foundation. Each and every person writes differently. Nothing can change that. My handwriting sometimes isn't the best either but guess what......we use a computer for EVERYTHING! So, who cares?
I begin my teaching career tomorrow as a teachers aide. I pray to God I never do this to any other child. And I ask God for strength to keep my cool but find a solution to this problem for my sister.

Grace

I'm full of serious things I'd love to blog about but I'm just unsure how to go about it. This blog has been much more serious than any of my last ones. I try to keep complaining out as well as focusing on other people hurt me. In fact this blog has been a lot about Faith and God. So today I guess I'm here to blog about Grace. K has me researching Grace and what it means in my life and frankly I feel a bit...stuck. From what I can tell Grace is not something we have earned, God has simply given it to us. Hmmmm. Most of my findings are very over my head. I am still new to this "religious world". I have always believed in God and have always had Faith. Yet, no one has ever really explained the basics to me. I have a vague idea of Adam and Eve, I believe Noah built the Ark....beyond that I'm a bit "in the dark". Go into the whole 'God', 'Jesus' and 'Holy Spirit' all being one and well frankly......you'll have me so kurbobbled I'll feel ill. To me, my Faith is quite simple, God is The Creator. Jesus was His son and died on the cross for our sins. God loves us all and wants the very best for us even if he can't prevent all bad from ever happening. Good people go to Heaven, bad people go to Hell. God is my friend, quite honestly. I talk to him. I don't pray in the 'normal' sense. I drive in my car and I talk to him (sometimes it may be a bit more on the yelling side). So you throw words at me like Grace and well....I feel that kurbobbled feeling coming on! So in my simple world, Grace means; An unearned love and well wishing from God. God has shown me so very very much Grace, even when I felt my world was crumbling. God has been great to me. I'm not saying my life went along with no trials or tribulations; I'm saying God has shown me after I have overcome them....why I had to deal with them. So in my world Grace is prevalent and an amazing thing!

So many things...

I have been gone awhile due to my mood being a bit blue. Slowly I am beginning to feel better as the sun starts to shine and the days are getting longer. I am so thankful to have My Love and Wee Man to stick by me when I'm not at my best. We are the perfect little family. Wee Man and I met My Love's mom about a week ago. It was a nice lunch and it seemed to go well. I'm glad we finally got together with her.
Today what got me blogging wasn't to chit chat about my life or how I've been feeling. I read a little story today that reminded me that someday, My Love and I may have to explain deployment to Wee Man. Wow. I'm not really worried about it as it's all just thoughts, there are no plans for a deployment soon that I know of. I just never thought about exactly how difficult explaining that to a child must be. Wee Man is crazy about My Love. They are two peas in a pod. And how difficult it must be for parents to leave knowing how much kids change in the course of 9-14 months. I just never really truly sat and thought about that before reading that story.
But anyway, life here is changing and hopefully settling down by April. School starts soon, hopefully moving soon and then life can settle into a new normal.

gah

I'm trying to find the strength and energy to post a very deep meaningful blog for ya'll but frankly....I'm just too exhausted. Soon. I promise. Stay tuned....this ride is never calm.

Photo Of The Week

Oh how the time flies, it's Monday Photo Mania again already! Today I've got one that's was hard to edit; not only for the sheer beauty of the person but also for the emotions it brought up.

Isn't she gorgeous? This is the most amazing, strong, caring, loving, happy, selfless, giving, kind, beautful woman I've ever met in my life. She is my best friend. My counselor. My heart and soul. This beauty is my grandmother. I lost her in September of 2010 and life will never be the same. But she is with me every step of the way. I feel her with us as we grow and learn each day. Life hasn't been perfect but I know she'd be damn proud of the woman I've become.

Judgement Day

So today I am another bundle of mixed emotions....ha go figure. Well first I should tell you some great big news:   I GOT A NEW JOB! Yes I'm so proud of myself for finally making the steps to change my life. And yet truly, honestly I still feel like one big huge jumbo failure. Goodness I hate that word. K has told me that by letting myself feel like a failure I am telling God He failed. I realize in my logical mind that is not true, God created us all to be us and He loves us. But in the choices I've made in my life I've opened myself up to a lot of judgement from people other than my Heavenly Father. I realize I need to "shake it off" as Joyce Meyer told me tonight. However these judgements make me so angry; not just at the people making them but at myself for opening myself to them by making some big mistakes. Important note here: I LOVE my son. I am crazy about him and I wouldn't trade him for the world. HE is NOT a mistake. However, in having him when I did I set myself up to be labeled. I'm just another: single mom, whore, tramp, sinner, welfare case, baby momma, failure, uneducated young mom. Take your pick. I see the looks; they start at my son, then travel to me, then down to my ring finger and then a quick look of disgust. "Yep another one of Those Girls". I'm wrestling with this more right now due to a few things going on in my personal life but I don't want this blog to be me airing my dirty laundry. But the choices I made are hindering some very important things in my life and I'm unsure which way to turn. I have My Bestie to help me out but she's so far away. Tonight I simply want to get on a plane and fly to her. Tonight I just want the best of all worlds; I want my perfect son but I also want my life. I don't regret giving it all up for him, I just feel a big lonely tonight.

Photo Of The Week

Yep it's already that time again, Monday Photo Mania! So I'm coming at you with a new edit, don't forget to leave some feedback :)

We aren't in Kansas anymore....

But I'll visit the Flint Hills as often as possible. I love it there!